Of Dirty Songs and Dirty Books
by Emily Elizabeth
Summary: A teasing remark to Greg turns into a friendly banter about some of the questionable influences in society. In other words, I have no idea how to summarize this, so just read it!


Title: Of Dirty Songs and Dirty Books  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Summary: A teasing remark to Greg turns into a friendly banter about some of the questionable influences in society. In other words, I have no idea how to summarize this, so just read it! c",)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI, or any of the songs or books mentioned, so please don't sue me!!  
  
Author's Note: A little nothing piece I wrote as a reward to myself for finishing Life and Death.  
  
Dedication: This is dedicated to all my gurlies back home, especially Sam, because a lot of our inside jokes are used in this story. I miss you so much!  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Catherine walked briskly through the halls, her heels clicking loudly in the deserted corridor. She rounded a corner and the comforting sound of her heels hitting the tile floor was muffled as the low sounds of music playing was heard. The sounds grew louder as she neared her destination, until all other sounds but the throbbing music were blocked out.  
  
"Greg!" she yelled, tapping the lap tech's computer screen to get his attention. He popped his head up and offered a lopsided grin to her annoyed expression. "Turn it down!"  
  
He turned in his swivel chair and rolled it to the opposite end of the room, where a large stereo was sitting on top of a filing cabinet. He turned a knob, and the volume dropped considerably.  
  
"Thank god," Catherine said. "Do you have my results?"  
  
"Right here," he replied, handing her the printout. "Hair's are a match to your vic."  
  
"Great," Catherine said, quickly skimming the report. "I hate that song," she murmured, not taking her eyes off the paper.  
  
"This one?" Greg asked incredulously, referring to the song that was still playing in the background. "Fountains of Wayne. They're awesome."  
  
Catherine rolled her eyes. "I don't care who they are. That song is dirty."  
  
Greg laughed. "It's not dirty. It's great."  
  
Catherine snorted and narrowed her eyes at Greg. "Stacey's mom has got it goin' on?" she quoted condescendingly as the lead singer sang the words. "Just tell me how it's not dirty for a kid to be in love with his friend's mom. Just try."  
  
Greg laughed again and rose from his chair, turning up the music. "You're just jealous."  
  
Catherine stared at him. "Jealous?"  
  
"That's right," Greg said with a grin, turning the music back up so it was blasting once again. "You want a song, too."  
  
"Pul-leeze, Greg."  
  
"Come on, Cath, you know you want a song, too," he said, drumming the air with the pencils in his hand as he began singing. "Lindsey's mom, has got it goin' on!"  
  
"Greggg..."  
  
"She's all that I want, and I've waited for so long!" he continued.  
  
"Gregggg..."  
  
"Lindsey can't you see, you're just not the girl for me?"  
  
"Greg, I'm warning you.."  
  
"I know it might be wrong, but I'm in love with Lindsey's mom!!" He belted out the final verse, dancing in the lab while Catherine tried to stifle her laugher at the situation.  
  
"Woo-hoo!" Nick whistled from behind, clapping loudly and grinning like a maniac.  
  
Catherine's face grew red with embarrassment as Greg draped his arm around her shoulder.  
  
"Hey, Nick," he greeted.  
  
"Nice, Greg. Very nice," Nick laughed, watching as Catherine's face grew redder.   
  
Greg shrugged with a grin. "Coulda been a rock star."  
  
"Real sign of maturosity, there, Greggo," Catherine said, shrugging off his arm.  
  
"Maturosity?" Greg teased. "Where'd you pick that one up? Recess on the playground?"  
  
"Sorry," Catherine said, shaking her head with a laugh. "Lindsey's been picking up all these words and phrases from this book she's reading, so I guess she's rubbing off on me." Her face scrunched up as she tried to recall the name of the book. "Angus, Thongs, and...something."  
  
"Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging!" Nick exclaimed.  
  
"You know it?"  
  
"Yeah," he replied excitedly, "Samantha's read the whole series." At their blank stares he clarified, "My niece."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"What book is she up to now?" Nick asked, crossing his arms across his chest.  
  
"She just finished the first one last night, and now she's on to 'On the Bright Side, I'm Now the Girlfriend of a Sex God," Catherine answered with a smile.  
  
"Woah, whoah, whoah," Greg interrupted, "Hold up. You think that 'Stacey's Mom' is dirty, but you let your eleven year old daughter read a book called 'On the Bright Side, I'm Now the Girlfriend of a Sex God?"  
  
"Who's the girlfriend of a Sex God?" Sara asked, walking up to the group.  
  
"Lindsey."  
  
"Lindsey?" Sara asked in shock. "As in Cath's Lindsey?" She stared at Catherine. "Your daughter is the girlfriend of a Sex God?"  
  
Catherine rubbed her temple. "No one is the girlfriend of a Sex God. Especially not Lindsey. It's a book that she's reading."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Lindsey."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"And Samantha," Nick added.  
  
"Who the hell is Samantha?"  
  
"My niece."  
  
"Oh." Sara paused. "What kind of crap is this, Greg?" she said, aiming her thumb at the stereo.  
  
Greg threw his hands up in the air. "What is it with you ladies and this song?" he exclaimed "It's great. 'Stacey's Mom'."  
  
"It's dirty," she replied, crossing her arms across her chest.  
  
Greg sighed and shook his head. "What, do you want a song, too?" he asked. "Sorry, but you don't have a kid." His lips curled into a smile as an idea popped into his head. "But, given a romantic candlelight dinner and nine months, perhaps we could make that happen.." He said flirtatiously, waggling his eyebrows at her.   
  
Sara merely rolled her eyes and patted his shoulder. "Nice try, Greg." She offered a semi-sympathetic smile as she handed him a small plastic baggie. "But I need you to analyze this."  
  
"I see how it is," he remarked with a sigh as he took the sample from her, "You only want me for my mind."  
  
"Exactly," she said with a smirk as he peered into the microscope.  
  
"This could take time, ya know," he said, glancing up at her.  
  
"I can wait."  
  
Greg shrugged and looked back into the microscope. "You never answered my question, Cath," he said without looking up.  
  
"What question?"  
  
"What's up with Linds and those books?"  
  
"What books?" Sara asked.  
  
"The dirty sex books that Cath lets Lindsey read."  
  
"They're not dirty sex books!" she exclaimed, her patience running thin. "They're about this thirteen year old girl in England. It's a modern day version of 'Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret."  
  
"Ooh! I read that one," Sara said.  
  
"Congrats," Catherine replied dryly. "So did I."  
  
"But aren't they a little old for her anyway?" Nick asked. "Sam just started them a few months ago, and she's sixteen."  
  
Catherine sighed. "You have to choose your battles. It was either let her read these books, which are only a few years too old for her, or let her read my Janet Evanovitch novels, which DEFINITELY are too old for her."  
  
"You read the Stephanie Plum books, too?" Sara exclaimed, referring to the main character in the series. "I love them! How about the one where the guy's thing is chopped off?" she said with a laugh.  
  
"Oh, that was great," she replied with a grin, grateful to find anther fan in such an unexpected person. "But Linds heard me laughing out loud at some parts, so she was begging me to let me read them. When I told her that she was too young, she ran around the house screaming 'Mom's reading a dirty book!' and telling everyone she could find.   
  
"You're reading a dirty book, Cath?" Warrick asked, approaching the group from behind.  
  
Catherine sighed audibly again. "No. No one is reading a dirty book! It's just a series that's not for kids, especially Lindsey."  
  
"Oh," Warrick said, "So that's what she meant that day I called when she told me she had to go make you put the dirty book down and answer the phone."  
  
"She told you, too!" Catherine yelled. "Great. Now everyone's going to think I'm some kind of perv."  
  
"No offense, Cath, but you and Sara are the ones reading the trashy books," Greg said, looking up from his microscope.  
  
"They're not trashy!" the two women yelled at the same time.  
  
"You're trying to tell me that a book where a guy's manhood is chopped off isn't dirty?"  
  
The two women shot him looks that could kill. "Sorry, sorry," Greg replied, putting his hands up in mock surrender.  
  
"So anyway, it was either that or the Angus-Thongs-Whatever it's called books," Catherine finished exasperatedly.  
  
"Angus Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging," Nick offered.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"You read them, too, Nick?" Warrick asked, narrowing his eyebrows.  
  
"No. Samantha does."  
  
"Who the hell is Samantha?"  
  
"My niece."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Catherine rubbed her temple. "You know what, I'm getting a headache." She started walking down the hallway, turning her head to Greg as she went. "Thanks for the results."  
  
"Anything for you, Cath," he replied with a grin. Catherine rolled her eyes and rounded the corner. When he thought she was out of earshot, he quickly turned up the music and began singing.  
  
"I'm in love with Lindsey's mom!!"  
  
A crumpled piece of paper was thrown at the lab tech as Catherine shouted, "Watch it, Greg!"  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
A/N~ That was a stupid, pointless little piece, but I had fun writing it, so that's all that matters. The song mentioned is 'Stacey's Mom' by Fountains of Wayne. The books mentioned are the Stephanie Plum novels by Janet Evanovitch and the Georgia Nicolson novels by Louise Rennison.  
  
~Emily 


End file.
